Maybe she's

just looking for someone to dance withI can't stand it! "what if I were Romeo in black jeans?" She is looking for someone to dance with. ugh. sigh. I hate the 80's.

Pretty in Pink

Heartbreak BeatJavajanesworld.com Psychodelic Furs, The Smiths, Ramones, Sex Pistols, in all of their 80's goodness! As my approach on 37 begins I become pathetically nostalgic. Knitting Trinity some legwarmers to match her skater hat. I may be almost 40 but I can have fun with it now! Depeche Mode anyone?

Oooo pick me

being a grownupokay so I've decide that I am actually 5. Yes I CAN function like a grownup but really don't like to. Maybe the fact that I realize that means I am more of an adult than I seem to be - like knowing you're crazy means you're not - I don't really know for sure. All I know is if I could pick apples all day for fun (not like a job - though God bless all of you apple pickers) or knit for fun or just play - I would be a very happy girlie. It's just that all of this real world stuff keeps intruding. I have to be the mommy and that isn't always the role I would pick at that particular moment. But I guess life is less about what we want and more about what is right. Ooo that was very grown up wasn't it? I am still going to be the pixie of death for halloween though so there nahhhhh.

Costume

Club ? MilwaukeeSo okay - I know I usually hate all things Halloween (it's that whole demonic thing)- but since this seems to be the year of "turn things on it's ear" I guess a costume party is in order. And being the little craftster that I am - I will be the Pixie of Death! Got my wings already gettin glittered as we speak. It's just a question of whether or not to stay red or dye purple or something freaky?

I love fangs - don't you?

work

You like me - you really like meOkay 2 weeks ago I couldn't get a job if I stripped naked and tap danced down the friggin' street (okay maybe it might have worked but I'm not really interested in naked tap dancing as a career move and my shuffle hop step IS a bit rusty) And now today I have to PICK what job I want. I don't know what's worse for me. Feeling completely unwanted or having to be an adult and make an educated choice with like logic and stuff - ugh! Anyway - "cuz I love to be loved." It's all good I guess.

Evans Blue - yum!

Philosophy

crapOkay - enough musing more meat. Started knitting a hat/mitten set for the girls - or idlest designing it anyway. It's going to be so sickenly cute. Dreadlock corkscrews in pink and purple from the top of the hats and matching mittens.

Also started designing my little seating arrangement portfolio/collection for display at the bank here - hoping to drum up more local business. I think I can I think I can I think I can - or something like that.

Tip for you - you can sharpen pinking shears by cutting through doubled tinfoil. Awesome tip - I think since paying to have those bad boys sharpened is crazy!

Muse

Inspirationcomes from the wildest places. Being a bit of the recluse both physically and emotionally these days books and ye old web are my jumping off points for ideas but even in that vastness I still feel a bit closed in. I will find my niche and it will be good - no it will be great! Thank you - thank you very much! Watch this space for a new pattern that's brewing.

Healing

deer in the headlights'kay so I had my deer in the headlights moment at church this morning. A Missionary to India came to give our church a little glimpse of the world outside of us and once again I have to be shaken out of my ugly American position. I really don't want to be - honest - it's just well, you know. God I wish you were listening to me right now.

Anyway, it was awesome. She was talking about Esther - and I've always aligned myself with her - being where she did not want to be and making the best of it and coming out on top. The verse about being brought here for such a time as this. I want to have all of the crap make sense - have a purpose anyway. I know the man would laugh in my face for wanting things to be orderly and purposeful but you know as well as I do that sometimes irony is a bitch with a sense of humor.

Anyway it became very clear to me what to do or at least it seems to be clear. Lots could change it for me, but well right now I am where I need to be for whatever reason that is I haven't a clue but I am yielded to the greater one. Unfortunately for me I wonder if one and one will ever equal anything but eleven for him. For me one and one is five.

anyway

Not supposed to . . . "regret - is a needle in my neck - it's slowing filling me with poison" There are so many things now that are more clear. Crisp blatant. God, how stupid blind was I? Life is certainly going to be interesting now isn't it.

Fallout Boy is my new band that I can't listen to. Love their edgy poetic twist. Not as good as alkaline trio but faster moving. "dance dance - we're falling apart to half time" But just can't listen anymore . . . maybe some time later. Maybe, but not now. Gotta focus on other things. Well, gotta jump now. The leg is fixed - thank you Jesus. No explanation really - it hurt like hell one minute the next it was fine. And I mean absolutely FINE - like "go ahead and pound on me for like an hour" fine. Tell me healing doesn't take place today and I can honestly call you a liar. Now, other things need healing - should I hope, believe? Remember - lie is at the center of believe. Choose your voice wisely - cuz they all have something to say - it's just some want you dead and it could actually be yours so choose wisely my friend who to listen to.

Morpheus

red or blueWould you take the red pill or the blue one? I don't know - each has it's own set of pitfalls. Knowing what I know is excruciating but is ignorance any better? No - I pick knowledge. Not feeling very powerful at the moment - in fact I can't breathe - there's so much conversation spilling from my head that I just can't turn off though you're not even listening. Damn llamas and butterflies. Going crazy has it's own set of benefits I guess - that's right - look for the good in everything - I guess I am not so far away from who I was after all.

backlash is what he said

backlashWhat a great word - total onomatopoeia - you can almost hear the crack - actually I did hear it. It sounds like a door slamming in your face - or more like a wall.

Melancholy does not suit me - so I reject it as my mood of choice. I've made my bed (so to speak - because who the hell else is going to?) and there I must lie - but I don't have to be miserable in it. I refuse to be miserable - he does that well enough for both of us.

Pain

I hate pain! Okay what the hell? One minute I'm jumping rope like normal and the next minute I can't move my leg without excruciating pain. I know that my approach on 40 is not too many years away but please - give me a total break! Old is not in my vocabulary. I refuse! This thing better heal and I mean now because it's pissing me off! I can't stand sitting around coming up with lame ass exercises that don't do jack. Okay now that I've got that off my chest I feel so much better. Thanks.