Carpe Diem

Rambling snobbery - books, music, food, knitting and sewing

Sunday, October 22, 2006

my fish is bored

and other dumb stuffso I have to have the poor beta next to the mac because it's so freakin cold in here I am afraid the little sucker will croak - so he looks so bored. Just swimmin in his 3 liter jug of former wine turned to water. I wonder if he - like me thinks about his choices and is just waiting for something good to happen. So, I am now working and while I don't exactly hate it (I actually kind of like it) it's so not the "me" I was looking for. I know that I am there for a reason and whether that is just to do the job for a while and earn some money to bless my family for a while - I can't say. I am just in a holding pattern right now. Hovering above the runway waiting to do something but unable to. I am not terribly frustrated - just unsure. This week is national prayer and fasting week. Good. This country needs a lotta prayer and fasting. I NEED A LOT OF PRAYER AND FASTING! I feel like the treadmill has been turned on and I had better start running or else. It kind of sucks. Sorry for all of the analogies but that's me today - analogy girl. I hate fasting. I am an American after all. Deny me? Oh my God! Deny me something? On purpose!?! Ugh - Put me out of my comfort zone? Okay - you get it. But I hate it and need it all the same. I always said that if you wanted your vacation to really last a long time you should fast during it. Three days will seem like about 60 1/2! This week I have to finish a bunch of sewing and work Monday - Wed. The 2 in school have Thurs and Friday off - Teacher in service or something. My baby is gone for 10 DAYS UP NORTH and I am not happy about it. She is visiting her aunt and uncle Babcock with Grandpa and Grandma Sullivan and I miss her terribly! She is my little peanut and I feel so "off" without her. I feel like I am missing something and can't wait to have her back to me. That is so good though. I feel this. I feel lost. I feel. I was afraid that I'd lost my ability to feel and I guess it's not gone. SO that's a good thing - Pain is a feeling.

Anyway, the knitting is slow - but I now have a mission - two actually. Kristen asked me to do another shrug for her this time in brown. Dad turns 60 and I have to do his slippers before I die.

Apparently I need to become a metal worker because I can't find the jewelry I need to have in my face. My eyebrow has rejected the ring that was in it. Ironic huh ? That ring was in for like 4 years - happily and suddenly it doesn't work - it turns black! So I am on this quest - have been for a while and since I had this subtle little ring in a giant piercer ring won't work (tried to jam it through and bled like crazy). The man thinks a barbell would work - I am doubtful. I know what I want but as per standard can't find exactly the best fit but it's in my head so I am best making it myself. I am going to order some sterling silver and make it myself darn it. I will learn as I go as ususal.

I am going to post some pix from my birthday. Rick showed up SURPRISE and blessed me with his camera. His brother is still MIA which makes me sadder for everyone who has lost him than I can say. His brother was one of the most amazing souls I have ever met and I know Rick misses him. . .

I have my apt. with Kate Nov 4 at 9:30. Don't know why I am scared. Perfect love casts out all fear. I wish that could sink in. The man said that I am going to leave in 6 months. Can't help but think he knows something I know on some deeper level and can't face. Or maybe that's me being all drama. I do that after all. Ask anyone who's loved me. All none of them :D.


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